#77: What to Say When Parents Tell You “I Didn’t Learn to Read Like This”
The Moment That Stops You in Your Tracks
You’re wrapping up a parent-teacher conference. Maybe it’s the first one of the year, and you’ve just gone over assessments, decoding progress, and the kinds of phonics routines you’ve been practicing in class. You’re feeling good—until a parent leans in with a puzzled look and says:
“I just don’t get it. This isn’t how I learned to read. I turned out fine.”
Cue the awkward silence.
If you’ve ever felt that tiny internal panic in this moment, you’re not alone. It’s something almost every K-2 teacher has heard. And let’s be real: finding the right words to explain a complex, research-based shift in reading instruction—without sounding defensive or confusing—can feel like walking a tightrope.
But here’s the good news: You can confidently guide parents through this conversation. And you don’t have to memorize neuroscience to do it.
Understanding Why Parents Push Back
Let’s start with empathy. When parents say, “This isn’t how I learned,” what they’re really saying is:
- “I’m confused.”
- “I want to help my child, but I don’t understand this approach.”
- “This feels unfamiliar, and that makes me unsure.”
Most parents learned to read through strategies like memorizing sight words, looking at pictures, and guessing from context clues. These methods kind of worked for many kids—but they also left a lot of students behind. Silent strugglers. Kids who grew up believing they “weren’t good at reading.”
Today, we know better. Thanks to the science of reading, we now understand that reading is not a natural process. Unlike speaking, which our brains are wired to do, reading requires explicit instruction. Our brains have to be taught to connect sounds (phonemes) to letters (graphemes) and blend those into words. This isn’t just a trend. It’s decades of research backed by neuroscience, psychology, linguistics, and classroom data.
So yes, this is different. But it’s different because it works better. And explaining that to parents doesn’t have to be complicated.
How to Respond with Confidence and Clarity
Here are three go-to responses you can use when parents say, “I didn’t learn to read like this.”
1. Start with Empathy and Reassurance
“You’re absolutely right. This is different from how most of us learned to read, and I totally understand why it might feel confusing. Honestly, I was confused at first too!”
Let them know they’re not alone. Disarming the conversation with empathy keeps the tone positive and collaborative.
2. Use an Everyday Analogy That Clicks
“Think about how we teach math. We don’t ask kids to memorize every possible math problem they’ll ever see. We teach them a process—how to solve it. That way, they can tackle any math problem that comes their way. Reading works the same way. Instead of having kids memorize thousands of words, we’re teaching them how to read every word by sounding it out.”
This math analogy is powerful because it’s concrete and familiar. It shifts the focus from memorization to problem-solving.
3. Ground It in Brain Science
“This method is based on how the brain actually learns to read. It gives kids the tools to become accurate, confident readers—and it’s especially effective for students who might otherwise struggle.”
Reinforce that this isn’t experimental or trendy. It’s evidence-based. And it helps all learners, not just those who are already excelling.
Decoding the Shift: What Makes This Approach So Different?
When you strip away the jargon, the science of reading boils down to a structured approach:
- Teach the sounds of language.
- Connect those sounds to letters and spelling patterns.
- Give kids decodable texts that let them apply those skills right away.
In contrast, older methods often relied on three-cueing systems: using pictures, context, and the first letter to guess a word. For example, if a child saw the word “ship” in a sentence with a picture of a boat, they might guess “shiny” or “shop” instead.
The result? Lots of guessing. Lots of uncertainty. And unfortunately, a shaky foundation.
This new (actually decades-old) approach is different because it builds from the ground up. It’s structured, systematic, and gives kids tools they can use forever.
Common Parent Questions—and How to Answer Them
“Will this be too hard for my child?”
Not at all. In fact, this approach breaks reading into small, manageable steps. We start with sounds they already know, then gradually link those to letters and patterns. It actually boosts their confidence because they can read the words in front of them—without guessing.
“Why don’t you use leveled books anymore?”
Great question! Leveled books often include words kids haven’t learned yet, which encourages guessing. Instead, we use decodable books that match their current phonics knowledge. That way, every word in the book is something they can actually read using skills they’ve learned.
“Why not just memorize sight words like I did?”
Memorizing a few words might seem faster at first, but it doesn’t last. Eventually, kids hit a wall with words they haven’t seen before. By learning how to decode, they can read any word, not just the ones they’ve memorized.
How to Bring Parents Along All Year Long
You don’t need to convince every parent in a single meeting. What works best is sprinkling science of reading conversations throughout the year:
- Back to School Night: Briefly introduce your phonics-based approach. Let them know why you use decodable books.
- Weekly Newsletters: Share short blurbs about what phonics skill you taught that week and how it helps students read.
- Parent-Teacher Conferences: Show examples of phonics assessments. Let them see the specific skills their child is mastering.
- Classroom Events: Invite parents to a phonics celebration or decoding game day. Seeing it in action builds buy-in.
And if you’re a member of The Science of Reading Formula, you have a full vault of ready-to-use resources to help with this: printable parent handouts, slides for Meet the Teacher Night, and even conversation scripts.
In This Episode, You’ll Discover:
- Why parents say “I didn’t learn to read like this”
- What that question really means—and how to respond without getting flustered
- The math analogy that helps science of reading finally click for parents
- How to explain the switch from leveled readers to decodables
- Why this new approach builds lasting reading skills instead of short-term memorization
- How to build parent confidence through ongoing communication
Bringing It All Together
Parents aren’t pushing back to be difficult. They’re reacting to change. And change, especially when it involves their child’s education, can feel scary. But when you respond with empathy, explain the research simply, and show them how this approach helps their child succeed, you shift the conversation from skepticism to support.
You don’t need to be a reading scientist to help parents understand. You just need a few clear explanations, a lot of patience, and a commitment to open, ongoing dialogue.
Want More Support? Join The Science of Reading Formula
Inside The Science of Reading Formula, you’ll get access to ready-to-use parent handouts, back-to-school presentation slides, decoding assessments, and more. These tools will help you explain your instruction clearly, confidently, and without adding more to your plate.
You’re not just teaching kids to read—you’re helping parents understand how to support that journey at home. And that’s a game-changer.
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